How Lord Raptor Stole Christmas
by Alba Aulbath
Summary: Sick of getting coal, Lord Raptor is determined to steal Christmas! Oh, and make Rikuo do all the work.


**Disclaimers and Useless/Useful Stuff To Know:**

I do not own Darkstalkers. CAPCOM does. Wish I did. This is a parody thing of "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," which I also do not own. For a remark later on in the story, if you don't know, no I have nothing against homosexuals, yaoi/yuri people, slash people, or gay people. Whatever you wanna call it. It's a joke. Yay. Flame/threaten/compliments/questions will be enjoyed. 

-=-=-   
"**How Lord Raptor Stole Christmas**"   
by Alba Aulbath   
-=-=- 

A quiet evening it was,   
A perfect night 'fore Christmas.   
However, quiet did not stay,   
For one undead guy had this to say: 

"I'm so damn sick of X-mas!" Lord Raptor said with a snap.   
"Every year I get coal!" continued the poor ol' sap.   
So the ghoul jogged down the bedroom hall,   
Toward the room with Rikuo whom he would maul. 

Suddenly, he stopped dead in his tracks,   
A plan developing in that heart of black.   
"I got it!" he cackled with joy.   
"I'll steal every brat's toy!" 

Lord Raptor kicked down the door,   
And went on to make Rik help him with the plan.   
Sit back, relax, and make Fish do the chore!   
"Get up, Fishboy!" The ghoul woke the merman. 

Rikuo rubbed his head, glaring at the ghoul.   
"What the hell do you want, you fool?!"   
In reply, Raptor shoved him out of bed.   
"Yer gonna help me!" the ghoul said. 

The emperor rolled his eyes, "Screw you."   
Raptor didn't take "no" as an answer, Rik knew.   
The ghoul dragged him off and out into the cold,   
So that his devilish plan could finally unfold. 

"What the heck are we doing?" asked the merman.   
"We're gonna steal X-mas!" the ghoul told the plan.   
Rikuo only blinked, and Raptor grinned, "Pretty evil!"   
The aquatic guy shrugged, "Enough for someone named Zabel." 

After yelling his name was not that,   
Lord Raptor arrived at a house to steal at.   
He eyed at the chimney, then shoved Rikuo down it.   
Out of surprise, the merman hollered, "Oh, fudge!" 

Rikuo fell for a short minute,   
Landing and nervously started to fidget.   
"What the hell do I do?" he said as he sat,   
Then fearly noticed a large cat. 

"CAT!" shrieked he, jumping and clinging to the ceiling fan.   
He smelled like a fish, he knew, so all he could say was, "Damn!"   
"Get the frickin' presents, Fishface!" shouted Lord Raptor.   
"Easy for you the say!" Rikuo replied not much later. 

Rik knew to get out of this fix   
He'd have to get the toys fast,   
So he finally let go and took the gifts,   
And up the chimney after the task. 

"Okay, Smarty Pants. Where should these go?"   
Rikuo asked, balancing the gifts on a toe.   
"Yer carryin' 'em," Raptor simply said, stuffing them in a bag.   
Then he shoved it into Rik's arms as he sighed, "What a drag." 

Through the night, did they steal Christmas.   
Pity the kids without any gifts,   
For now the greedy bastard has 'em all.   
His excuse was, "They can always wait until next fall!" 

"Christmas is in winter," Rikuo righted Raptor's wrong.   
The ghoul shrugged, "What brat waits that long?"   
"Whatever. Hope yer happy," the merman stated in sarcasm.   
"Why shouldn't I be?" smirked Raptor with passion. 

"I could list why not," hissed the merman with no joy.   
"Kids'll be crying in the morning, since they don't get a toy!   
Don't you think that would kind of suck?"   
Raptor shrugged, "Who gives a flying frick?" 

With determination, Rikuo stomped down a foot,   
"I'll tell the whole world of your secret!"   
"Eh, like what?" smirked Lord Raptor in satisfaction.   
Rikuo, this time, grinned madly, "Your beanie baby collection!" 

With wide eyes and a gaping jaw, Raptor glared.   
"You suck, Fishboy!" he snorted as his eyes flared.   
"And so do you! Give those toys back!"   
Rikuo demanded as he pointed to the present pack. 

"Fine," Lord Raptor gave into defeat.   
"Next year, I'll do better!"   
Rikuo remarked, "Yeah, and I'm Bo Peep."   
With much argument, they returned the gifts together. 

The next morning on Christmas Day,   
Lord Raptor wasn't very gay.   
And to all those sickos, I mean happy.   
Why would any undead guy be that daffy? 

"Come on, Raptor! Open one!" Felicia smiled.   
"Jus' another piece of coal," growled the ghoul to the child.   
"Sure doesn't smell like it," blinked the girl-cat.   
Lord Raptor snatched the gift, "Then lemme see that!" 

He tore off the wrapping from the gift shaped like a pole,   
Revealing it to be a gift other than coal!   
"A brand spankin' new guitar!" cackled Raptor furiously.   
"Who's it from?" Hsien-Ko asked curiously. 

Mei-Ling picked out from the trash the tag,   
With the name that surprised her, and her sis started to nag,   
"Who's it from, Oneechan?!" she wanted to know.   
Still in shock, Mei-Ling pointed, "It's from Rikuo!" 

The merman spit out his eggnog, coughing and hacking.   
"I always thought that liking Raptor was something in lacking,"   
pointed out Felicia, blinking at the zombie.   
Rikuo became red rather than green, "I was feeling sorry for the dumbie." 

"I can't believe I touched it!" Lord Raptor complained.   
"Something other than coal," Rikuo grumbled through teeth that strained.   
"Yeah, so thank him!" Jon Talbain told the undead dude.   
Rikuo shrugged, "Let it go; it's not going to change our feud." 

So, the Darkstalkers had a Merry Christmas to no end that day.   
Although Raptor and Rikuo still fought, at least the time was okay.   
Now ends the theft, or so thought on that bit.   
After all, the how do you think Rikuo got the gift?   
With a bashful look, he muttered, "I kinda stole it." 

_The End, and Merry Christmas!_


End file.
